Men are emotionally vulnerable [Man-Woman]
If you thought that a broken relationship involved only the women weeping endlessly into wads of tissues, guiltily binging on chocolates and ice-cream and suffering from incorrigible mood swings and depression, then you thought wrong.
A recent study has debunked the myth that men are stronger when it comes to dealing with a broken relationship, than their female counterparts. The study has also divulged that such men exhibit signs of depression, irritability and mood swings, as they desperately try to get over their ex-lovers.
Take the case of Ananth and Smriti, who were in a committed, relationship for over three years. “We broke up as it was evident that the relationship wasnt going anywhere. It was a mutual decision. That itself was a big consolation for me and has helped me move on,” says Smriti. Ananth however, is facing a crisis of a different kind. “Although it was a mutual decision, it couldnt have come at a more inappropriate time. I was just thinking of taking things to the next level by talking to our parents. But since she wanted to call it off, there was really no point in taking it further. No, I am not over her yet and it is becoming a task to move on,” he says.
Everyone has their threshold of pain and tolerance, but the men folk are of the opinion that women have a social circle helping them move on faster. What the men seem to be lacking is a shoulder to lean on. While it is socially acceptable for women to openly display their distress, men are looked upon as the stronger ones. “Not just the stronger ones, but we are also looked upon as the instigators of the break-up,” Ananth declares cynically.
Dr R Manoj, a clinical psychologist, explains, “For men, attraction comes first and it is easy. To develop an emotional bond on the other hand, takes a long time. So when that emotional attachment breaks, he takes longer to come out of it. Another reason is that men who show their emotions tend to be viewed as weak. They feel like they lose their natural instinct of being the more dominant one in a relationship, especially if they were to cry. Society and cultural norms play an additional role as well.”
The guys,who are on the receiving end of the heartburn, swear by the once bitten, twice shy, mantra. So how do these men cope, we wonder. “Many a time, we get involved in casual flings or one night stands, only to rebound from the bitter episode. But it waters down to makeshift alliances that are emotionally vacuous in nature. It takes several months, sometimes even years, before guys can subdue the memories of their traumatic past and move on in life, after finding someone new,” Jayan elaborates.
The survey has also revealed that when a relationship goes awry, it impacts the mans sense of identity and self worth. “Men have bigger egos. To admit that we were jilted in front of our friends, more so, expressing our unhappiness and discontentment of the situation can cause us to be ridiculed and teased,” says Jatin Gupta, a call centre executive.
Rather than crying over spilt milk,experts urge men to go into therapy or counselling sessions,to analyse as to why the relationship went wrong.The important thing is to pick up the pieces and realise that the end of a relationship is not the end of life.
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